The Day I Lost A Person Full Of Unconditional Love - My Grandfather

It was the hardest day of my life. My heart sank to the stomach and I was at loss for words. All I could do was cry. It’s true when they say that a phone call can change your entire life in just seconds.

17 September 2019 - a day l will never forget. It was a day that my world became less bright, less fun, and less right. My heart ached. My vision blurred. The only thing going on in my mind was - I’ve never lived in a world where he didn’t exist. I’ve never lived in a world where he did not draw breath.

         1 year has passed since then.  These days, I must learn how to overcome the kind of pain that all of us must go through: the death of someone we love.

 I still remember, how he used to get me a khare shengdana every day after school. How he used to tell me stories before dinner. How he used to laugh on my lame jokes. And then I remember his body has now turned into ashes. That smile along with his photo has now sunk into the river bed.

I keep getting snapped back and forth between the beautiful memories and his death - the reality that my heart deems unforgivable.

My brain tells my heart. “It’s okay. He’s 90. He lived a great life. Be happy for him!” “It’s just the body he left behind. His soul is now in heaven.” I'm smart enough to try to rationalize myself out of the pain.

But the little girl who he took to school every day didn’t care. There’s nothing my brain says that can stop her. “He’s dead! I’m not happy!” She protests.

“You can’t cremate him up, right?” My brain disapproves of my childlike sadness.

All of a sudden, I want to cry. All of a sudden I want to play video games, to go shopping, to eat - anything to distract me from this pain.

Sadness rushes over me. I begin to choke up. I sob, and weep, and wail, and break down. My lips and shoulders quiver. I curl up to even a smaller ball. I cry the noisy cry of a child

But then I remember he would want me to be happy. He would want me to climb mountains of success. He would want me to make him proud the same way I’m to be his granddaughter. He was a person with silver in his hair and gold in his heart.

 If he can listen to me – “Your laugh and your smile always run through my head every so often, and your spirit lives within me. You helped me grow into the strong, independent, hard-working and good-hearted person that I have become today. I will always cherish every single minute spent with you. Love you always and forever.”